By Sherif Attar
In a world of ever-changing ambiguity and uncertainty, executives have to face two challenges: excellent performance and people development. Where many managers think those endeavours are “competing”, this author believes they are “completing”. GET DOWN TO BUSINESS argues.
“People hearing without listening”. When Simon and Garfunkel sang those words in 1965, were they referring to how well we listen?
How we listen has a major impact on our life: job effectiveness as well as the quality of relationships. We listen for information, understanding, enjoying and learning.
Given all the listening we do, you’d think we’re good at it! No! We remember between 25 to 50 per cent of what we hear. Boss, colleagues, customers or spouse pay attention to less than half of the conversation. This is dismal! In turn, we aren’t hearing the whole message either.
Improving listening skills is to practice “active listening”, by making a conscious effort to hear not only the words, but to understand the complete message.
We cannot allow distraction by whatever may be around, or by forming counter arguments that we’ll make when the other person stops speaking. Nor can we allow ourselves to get bored and lose focus.
If we’re finding it particularly difficult to concentrate on what someone is saying, try repeating their words mentally as they say them – to reinforce their message.
To enhance listening skills, let the other person know that you are listening.
Acknowledge by nodding or a simple “uh huh.” Using body language also reminds you to pay attention.
Try to respond to the speaker
to encourage them to continue. An occasional question or comment communicates that you understand the message.
To become an Active Listener, you may consider:
1. Pay attention
Give the speaker undivided attention and acknowledge the message. Non-verbal communication “speaks” loudly.
• Look at the speaker directly.
• Avoid distracting thoughts.
• Don’t mentally prepare a defense!
• Avoid distraction from environmental factors.
• “Listen” to the speaker’s body language.
2. Show That You’re Listening
Use body language to convey your attention.
• Nod occasionally.
• Smile and use other facial expressions.
• Keep your posture open.
• Encourage the speaker to continue with small verbal comments.
3. Provide feedback
Our personal filters, assumptions, judgments, and beliefs can distort what we hear. Understand what is being said. Reflect and ask questions.
• Paraphrasing. “What I’m hearing is,” and “Sounds like you are saying,” are great ways to reflect back.
• Ask clarifying questions. “What do you mean when you say.” “Is this what you mean?”
• Summarise speaker’s comments periodically.
If you find yourself responding
emotionally, say so, and ask for more information: ” What I thought you
just said is XXX; is that what you meant?”
4. Defer judgment
Interrupting is a waste of time. It frustrates the speaker and limits understanding of the message.
• Allow the speaker to finish before asking questions.
• Don’t interrupt with counter arguments.
5. Respond appropriately
Active listening is a model for respect and understanding. You are gaining information and perspective. You add nothing by attacking the speaker.
• Be candid and open in your response.
• Assert your opinions respectfully.
• Treat the other person how they would want to be treated.
For questions or suggestions, please send your comments.
Sherif Attar, an independent management consultant/traine r and organisation development authority, delivers seminars in the US, Europe, Middle East and the Far East.
